It was finals week of my last semester as an undergraduate. Many things were running through my head at that time; in particular, I was concerned with polishing up projects and making sure I was well-prepared for the coming exams and presentations. I remember spending 5 days straight with an average of 3 hours of sleep per day on my senior design project just so that it was “perfect” (it never actually got to that point, but I still tried).
If you knew me back in elementary school, or even highschool, I was the complete opposite—for me, success in school meant doing as little work as possible. Not only was I lazy, but I was also a big troublemaker (I remember bringing a pet spider to school and when I got caught, I said it was for my project. Yeah, I know, pretty bad-ass). Despite this, I always thought to myself: “I’m going to slack off now, but in college I’ll do my best—that’s how I’ll succeed.”
Fast forward into the future, once I got into college I stayed true to that promise (thank God) and I became completely obsessed with trying to succeed. To me, the most apparent way of doing so was through academic excellence. I thought that by getting A’s, by participating in class, and by doing things that a “good student” should do, I would eventually succeed in life. If I just follow the curriculum and do my best, I would achieve my childhood dreams and be successful. I had it all figured out.
The structure that college provides is very comfortable. You go to class, you do your homework, and you pass the final exam. Repeat this cycle for 4-5 years, and you’re ready to face the “real world.” Once you graduate, you have the right tools to achieve whatever it is you want in life. However, the steps to do so are not entirely obvious. If you’re like me and got spoiled by school (or by the “system”), where should you start?
Growing up as kids, most of us were constantly bombarded by images of what defines success. To be successful, you need to drive a nice car, make a lot of money, be popular, and have a happy family; all at the same time. The better you are or the more you have than the majority, the more successful you appear. In this sense, success is measured through a state of external affluence. Through this association, we strive for these possessions because we believe that ultimately these things will make us happy and feel like we’re “living life.”
But, should this be the measuring stick within which we define success?
When I graduated college and finally achieved what I was aiming for, to be honest, I was a bit disappointed. I was expecting this ecstatic feeling brought by what I thought was success. Instead, I didn’t feel any different than when I was a student, only this time, I had a diploma. All along, I was aiming for the status of a straight-A student because I thought that being one would mean that I achieved success. But once I finally got there, it didn’t feel that way at all. Even looking back at it today, I cannot say that I was successful in college because I fit that image of what a “good” student is supposed to be.
What I did value, however, was the person I became by aiming for that goal. I started practicing values such as hard-work, discipline, and dedication to my daily routines. I became passionate about learning and I was actively seeking answers to my various curiosities in life. I also realized that if I wanted to do/change something, I can’t put it back for later—I have to start now. These were all virtually nonexistent in me before college; however, they were all traits of the person I wanted to be. Actualizing those values were more important than what those values brought to me—a piece of paper.
It then hit me.
I had placed sole value on achievement while overlooking the process and foundations of achieving. Success, I pondered, is not simply attaining the end-goal, but it is also about who you become during the process. In this sense, it is a state of being, not simply being at a state. It is internal affluence that defines success, not it’s counterpart.
I started questioning my goals and the assumptions I had made of what I thought was success. Do I need a dream car? Do I need a lot of money? Do I need to live in a mansion? These were things I realized didn’t matter as much as I had previously considered. The superficial clouded the way I perceived success and my vanity was certainly getting ahead of me.
Rather than continuing on with this mindset, I identified the values and principles of who I wanted to be and tailored my goals around them. To me, having integrity and living each day with virtue matters more than any material possession.
If you had also fallen prey into interpreting success as an end-goal, I urge you, break free from it and define what really matters to you. Forget about the images associated to success and the notion that you need luck to be successful. Although it is natural to measure success this way, aiming to fit those images may not necessarily be consistent with what you truly want. Maybe all the money, fame, women/men, cars, etc. don’t really matter to you as much as you think. Do you value experiencing new things? Exploring the earth? Trying different food? Spending time with your friends/family/girlfriend/boyfriend? Identify what’s important to you and align your goals accordingly.
Consider all aspects in your life and define success in your own terms. Stop comparing yourself with others, and run your own race! Answer the question “Who do I want to be?” not, “What do I want to be?”, and work towards becoming that person. Because in the “real world”, no one else will be the judge of personal success but you.
So tell me, what does success mean to you?
That was deep. Me and my friends are going to sit around and dissect this over caramel machiattos.
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